Wanted: A Working Pancreas | DiabetesMine - daubdasked1981

Now, something a trifle different… We're imagining what a job ad might look for that lazy organ in the body largely to blame for the States having to live with diabetes:

WANTED: Ego-starting leader who International Relations and Security Network't afraid to call the shots, and can bring a creative vogue to a difficult body of work.

The position might even be for a CGM Information Entry Coach, Artificial Pancreas Division of Associates In-Corporated (A1C).

Word has it that my rattling ain slacker organ, Peter PANcreas, put his blood into the mental test strip vial for consideration. And rumor was that atomic number 2 scored an interview! So, we reached out to the company's executives to see how that all played out.

Thanks to a source inside A1C who managed to get us "in range," we were able to snag a copy of the resume that Peter submitted for the position.

104 Blood Meter Blvd

Mike's Body, 888 Behind the Stomach

peterpancreas@diabetesmine.com

OBJECTIVE:

To find a management and supervisory position where I can motivate employees to learn everything close to my job and then roll in the hay for me, 24/7.

White-collar SUMMARY:

Human resources professional and palmy employee motivator with three decades' see supervising diabetes self-management. Career accomplishments include the grooming of a Lilly and Joslin palm-taking insulin importer and glucose exporter. Ahead becoming a motivational director, I worked for five years in the trenches behind the stomach near the liver doing all of these daily tasks myself. So, I've come up through the ranks and know this body of business sector like it's my own.

Work experience and motivational skills include expertise in:

Chemistry
Preciseness carb-counting
Food Measurements, including Advanced Eye-Balling
D-Mathematics Calculations, Critical Thinking and Daedal Job-Solving Skills
First Help, including Syringe and Cannula Use (and Gusher Crisis Direction)
Medical Device Mould
Hypoglycemic Navigation, including Extremist-Hot Glucose Intake
Exercise Health and Physical Education
Diabetes Story-Telling

That's just now on the secretor side. So thither are all my exocrine functions that wont to have 110% of my attention, producing and secreting digestive enzymes that sustenance the body expiration.

WORK EXPERIENCE:

Pancreas Slackers R Us, Inc.

Manager, Insulin Pumpers Division

June 2001 — Present

Oversaw delivery of insulin via cannulus expedias
Implemented strategic plan for blood sugar "glu-coastering" that involved coordinative random BG dips and peaks, just to keep my PWD on his toes
Responsible for deuce 25-year longevity awards from Lilly Diabetes and Joslin Diabetes
My ability to "keep things interesting" better the diligence's bottom channel, non single strengthening gross sales with the switch to costly insulin pump supplies, but besides improving A1C levels from 13% to 6.1% (!)

Pancreas Slackers R Us, Inc.

Supervisor, Multiple Shots a Day Department

Master of Architecture 1984 — June 2001

Oversaw every day injections ranging from two shots to four shots a solar day, including peak times during the "rebellious" adolescent years and early college days.
Light-emitting diode a team up that evolved from a fledgling immature PWD to an experienced Adult Type 1 able to manage tall tasks much as carb-counting and submission-level nursing responsibilities.

Do-It-Yourself Insulin-Producing

Childhood Client Service of process Representative

February 1979 — March 1984

Worked tirelessly to poise nutrient, exercise and insulin needed during the offse five old age of a growth boy's life. Meticulously competitive up the stimulant and output signal for each component, immediately pinpointing what was required to ensure a strong and healthy bottom line. I was so good, I eventually decided management was where my real talent lies (the Peter Principle?).

Educational activity:

D-Direction Motivational Institute, 1984-Present
Response Attack Graduate Program, 1990s
Islet University, General Studies in Slacking, 1983

Calculator SKILLS:

CGM Data Interpreting, BG Meter Reading, WordPress, Facebook & Twitter

PROFESSIONAL AFFILIATIONS:

Grade of the Chronic Rapid Autoimmune Syllabu (aka "CRAP")
Underprivileged Insulin Addicts Nameless
Society of Inaccurate Organs
Important Cell Revival Club

REFERENCES: Available upon petition.

So, that's patently how Peter PANcreas got in the door for the interview!

Curious to know how Peter handled himself, we reached out to Lenora Lioness, Incarnate Affairs Manager at A1C. Apparently, He totally bombed. Or, in the words of The Lioness herself:

"Your pancreas 'misplaced information technology' at the question: 'Why are you even Here in the freshman place?' Not to mention the question, 'Why would anyone want to hire you for whatsoever occupation in any field, when you're obviously such a slacker?!'"

Skeptical that Peter PANcreas could have performed so seedy, we asked LL to provide some proof that she wasn't fair-minded trying to stain his good name without honourable cause.

Her response? She sent the States a security tape of the interview itself, screening exactly how my pancreas fared inside the A1C corporate offices:

Bob Hope you had more or less fun with this one, Destroyed Pancreas Friends!